In my continuing series of blogging posts of “How to write more gooder”, my topic today is a special one!
How to make an anti-Japanese Idol article or blog post, similar to the garbage in The Japan Times or RocketNews.*
Step #1 – Title your article something salacious such as “Japan’s Pervert Culture” or “Weird Japanese Music Fans and the Idols They Worship.”
Step #2 – Broach topics in the opening paragraphs, including elements about the Japanese pornography industry, prostitution, pedophilia, etc.
Step #3 – Important: Conflate these social ills with Japanese Idol singers. Make sure to mention AKB48 or other popular idol groups.
Step #4 – Be harshly critical of Idol music. Link an Idol music video, but not an artistic one. Chose one in which in your narrow mind, you think is the silliest. Then write: “see how terrible it is…” Important: Make sure to not reveal your own vulgar musical tastes. This is especially true if you enjoy violent “thug” performances. If we heard what you actually like, no one would take you seriously.
Step #5 – Insert older photos of AKB48 throughout these steps– you may be able to confuse the readers. Include some of the members interacting with fans, and they will associate the group with pornography and prostitution.
Step #6 – Mention that Yashushi Akimoto is “literally Hitler”. Otherwise dig up older scandals which have long since been debunked. If you repeat the lies enough, then you make them true.
Denny lisping just like a Social Justice Warrior: “Liturali Hitluur”.
Step #7 – Open the article to comments, but then make sure to delete all of Derek Vasconi’s well reasoned comments. If someone gives an alternative opinion– you might not be right!
*RocketNews, now called SoraNews24 is the Gold Standard for ignorance about Idol culture. No one knows less about Idols than them, although there are some blogs on WordPress that come close.
I was a big fan of Spooky Boogie. Count me as one of her millions of her followers on the CommuField.
In general, I am not in favor of anarchy, however our government has become so intrusive into our lives, with these cymatic scans that I am beginning to take Spooky Boogie’s message to heart. I never knew what to expect from her. She was always entertaining. Always kept them guessing … and I loved it how she would stick it to our corrupt government with her sarcastic humor.
So why I am talking about her in the past tense when her popular Internet show is still being broadcast you ask?
I hate to be the one to tell you, but that is NOT the REAL Spooky Boogie! The real Spooky Boogie was created by a lady know as Shoko Sugawara, who mysteriously disappeared a couple of years ago. Have you noticed how everything that Spooky Boogie has been saying the past couple of years has been greatly toned down? What you have been watching is not the original Spooky Boogie!!!
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Yes, the show is still good, but it is a pale shadow of its former self. The character is still “off-the-wall-spooky-crazy” , but she is much less critical of the “big brains” (Denny using sarcasm) we elected.
I’m afraid that someone has gotten to Ms. Sugawara …
So, SPOOKY BOOGIE, I salute you. You were too Spooky and too Boogie for this world : (
Even us old guys can tell that something has happened.
Most anime fans are familiar with the late Satoshi Kon’s directorial debut “Perfect Blue” (trailer linked here). The all-girl Jpop Idol group “CHAM” were an important part of this compelling, and mind-bending drama. Despite the initial popularity of CHAM, the group has now been relegated to the “Where are they now?” files of Pop Music History.
I LOVED their big hit single: “Ai no Tenshi”. The video below captures Mima, Rei and Yukiko at the time just before they would rocket to stardom. It is a fantastic peak inside the recording studio. The girls are not wearing their stage outfits here — but who cares – they look (and sound) AMAZING.
One of the greatest anime film songs ever IMHO.
Here is a brief snippet of how they appeared in the German (translation) version of the film. Sorry for the obscure video reference — original CHAM footage is very hard to find, and valuable these days.
They were an exciting Jpop trio to watch live. CHAM paved the way for other Idol groups. Without CHAM’s trailblazing, Jpop girl groups today would probably not be the same!
Classic CHAM moves. They did it first. They did it better!
The ladies also recorded an English language version of “Ai no Tenshi (Angel of Love)”. The song has been covered and performed in stage concerts by American singers Madonna and Tiffany. (No, Denny is NOT making that up!)
The lyrics translated into English, although seemingly cute and innocent, recap the very creepy story that is “Perfect Blue”
“Angel of Love” translation:
And now you come and see it all just for yourself See the angel’s wings, but something else is there And all those magic hearts are all for you again
And then you come and listen to the sweet little voice Singing there for you and only just for you She is protecting you right now…
And if sometimes you feel for your love Send a little heart for her And she’ll be there with you with her love Waiting only for you!
And when you love her, love her she will be A little angel, angel in your heart You’ve got to push it, push it for her love And then forever, ever she will be A sweet angel of your heart to be there together
And now you need a little faith in me and yourself When you make your way to change the destiny If you could only see what I could do for you
And even when you feel you have a difficult time Listen to my heart who sings to make you shine When you start to fall in love …
Another amazing moment was captured on this YouTube video. After years out of the limelight, CHAM makes a sudden guest appearance at an Anime convention. Here, the cameraman only captures part of their show. I do not blame him however. My jaw would have dropped in shock: OMG — IT’S CHAM!!! … grab the camera!!! Pardon the quality, but can you imagine, being at an Anime Conference in Russia, when CHAM makes a surprise appearance after being gone for so long?
The group had its ups and downs over the years. Mima graduated from the group to purse an acting career. Although she was critically acclaimed, she never reached the commercial success and popularity of CHAM.
For a few years group member Mima tried to go solo as a singer, and made a number of convention appearances. Yet these never came close to matching the appeal of the three-member unit. The video is very low quality … still any CHAM footage is valuable. Please forward to time 1:35 to see Mima’s solo.
The group would often appear at conventions, but mainly to sign autographs as they were without a record contract for over a decade. The ladies appeared in various commercial ads, sometimes as solo models, and sometimes in pairs (Documented in this slideshow below.)
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Many years later the group surfaced at this Lisbon, Portugal fundraiser in support of Pancreatic Cancer research. This performance may actually be a little difficult for dedicated fans to watch. The ladies are older, out of shape, and have a hard time performing their moves. Still, it is an interesting, and final note of CHAM history.
Although CHAM may have now faded into pop music history, they will be remembered as one of the most inspiring pioneers in the Idol genre.
“This must be a real horrorshow film if you’re so keen on my viddying it.”
What are you spinning your warbles to these days droogies? Johnny Zhivago?Heaven Seventeen? Well come with UNCLE! … Come and hear all PROPER!
My droog Denny lent me Watarirouka Hashiritai final concert DVD. Oh, my brothers, it was gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh. I viddied that American thinking is for the gloopy ones and that the oomny ones use like inspiration and what Bog sends. For now it was lovely Watarirouka Hashiritai music that came to my aid. Oh, it was wonder of wonders.
“It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you watch them on a screen.”
Haruka Nagagawa crunched redgold under my bed, and behind my gulliver the sounds of Ayaka Kikuchi, Aika Oota and Mika Komori trumpeed three-wise silverflamed, and there by the door Kazumi Urano rolling through my guts and out again crunched like candy thunder.
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Glazzies on Haruka only here: Viddy well brother … VIDDY WELL!
Mika Komori bored deep, like worms of like platinum, into the thick thick toffee gold and silver. I was in such bliss, my brothers.And then, a bird of like rarest spun heavenmetal, or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now, came the Mayu Wananabe solo above all the other watarirouka strings, and those strings were like a cage of silk round my bed.
The lips of Mayu were like red, red kroovy …
Then, brothers, it came. Oh, bliss, bliss and heaven. Like a GREAT BIRD – the solo by Iwasa Misaki.
O, Bog in heaven what pretty pictures I imagined
I lay all nagoy to the ceiling, my gulliver on my rookers on the pillow, glazzies closed, rot open in bliss, slooshying the sluice of lovely sounds. Oh, it made me dream such pretty pictures, my brothers.
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IT’S A SIN! The Watarirouka Hashiritai 7 to be disbanded? IT’S A SIN!!!!!!
But where I itty now, O my brothers, is all on my oddy knocky, where you cannot go. Tomorrow is all like sweet flowers and the turning vonny earth and the stars and the old Luna up there. … and all that cal.
Something organic that Bog tugs away free will? Real horrorshow.
That is actually the rear end of Mayu Watanabe performing in the music video for the AKB48 single “Labrador Retriever”. I know, the single was released months ago, and summer is over. The thing is, the “official” AB48 release of the music video did not come out until August 26th. If you have seen it before, that means that you were watching one of those illegal-copyright-violating posts from an unauthorized user. I know I feel safer now. Of course the organization wanted to squeeze as many sales out of the single as they could before they posted to YouTube – which now makes the video basically a commercial. Well, I LIKE commercials … almost as much as Watanabe-san’s butt.
Also, another great thing about the official release is that you can turn on HD, and you can turn on ENGLISH translations with the CC button. See image below– you would have missed that lyric otherwise.
This single has really grown on me. At first I was so confused by what happens in the video, that I could not enjoy it. Thanks to a lecture I attended by Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson however — now I LOVE IT! Also, Thank You again, Mr. Yasushi Akimoto for being a creative genius.
There are some pretty strange juxtapositions in the video. Somehow, Mayu Watanabe is a dog – a Labrador Retriever – even though she is really herself. Note that Mayu’s picture is even on the bag of dog food shown – or is it human adult food? When I first saw the video, I thought the “dog food” opening was just another of those annoying ads on YouTube. Admit it, you did too.
The video opens up a deeply philosophical question: Is Mayu dreaming of being a dog … or is she actually a DOG dreaming of being a human?
There is a lot of great singing and dancing on the beach! The lyrics of the song are about waxing nostalgic about an “old friend.” I have to assume the old friend inferred here is actually a beloved pet – a Labrador.
“The Labrador runs / Along the water’s edge
Bounding through the surf / Inviting us
Chasing him across the sand / Like you did that day
You kick off your sandals / (Laughing)
Shall we / Have our first kiss?”
The girls are having fun, and doing all these things that real dogs too. Although, oddly — no one’s leg is humped. At one point, some of them did have to be hosed off however. We see Jurina Matsui lick her own face. Is that possible? Yes, if you have an alternate reality dog-self to do the licking.
The girls look beautiful of course, and they playfully interact with their “dog selves” as well. I think that maybe the director thought that they would CGI the dogs in later, but ran out of time or budget.
The video sure works for me as is.
Also, something I really like about the “official” music video is that you get the end credits during the instrumental “reprise” part of the song. The credits are arguably as interesting as the dancing. During the end credits, a few of the girls are walking their dogs along the beach, and well, perhaps I should let Professor Neil deGrasse Tyson explain:
“Thanks Denny, love your blog.
In this last part of the video we see what appears to be random motions of the dogs as they walk along with the AKB members. Although the dogs motions may appear to be random, there is an underlying process which explains the overall movement of the dogs as a linear relationship. Although the dogs may zig, and zag, their overall trend is a linear one.
Thus this invisible ‘AKB force’ demonstrated here, is clearly providing a trend.
The previous part of the video – where Mayu is a dog – may also represent the paradoxical and unpredictable nature of quantum physics at the sub-atomic level. Strange happenings are possible for certain sub-atomic particles. A particle may disappear in one part of the atom, and re-appear in another. Get this – sometimes a particle arrives — before it leaves … very similar to the ‘space-time’ distortions of the AKB girls dancing on the beach with their future-selves.
Also, at the nano-scale it is possible for a girl to also be a dog particle. As you zoom in closer and closer to each atom, the defining characteristics of “dog” may flip to “hot girl” and not be just a smaller particle of a dog.
To sum up, these ‘Quantum AKB forces’ present us with a unifying – and satisfying – variable. This effectively fills in the missing term in Albert Einstein’s equation for his ‘theory-of-everything’ … And in a very entertaining manner I might add! ”
You’re not really Dr. Tyson, are you?
Starlight: It took me four months to catch up to the sweetness of this music video. Where is an Astro-physicist when you need one?
Four WP bloggers have nominated me for the “Lobster Award”. I appreciate it from all of you!
Yummy! Can’t wait to win that big Lobster Prize!
Thank You! Thank You!! Thank You!!! Thank You!!!!
That shows that you read my blog, and you like it enough not to report me to the authorities. (Tearing up a little bit right now.)
Anyway, all I have to do apparently is answer a few questions. I will assume that the questions will be about lobsters — or at least about shellfish in general. I’ve always loved lobster, and could never get enough. Mrs Sinnoh usually can’t control herself, and she ends up having my portion too.
Not really Mrs. Sinnoh
So … these questions will be no problem for a crustacean lover such as myself. I took a course on marine invertebrates when I was a junior in college — thus … I cannot be stumped!
I can’t wait to win the prize, and have all that fresh lobster delivered right to my door.
Mmmmm … Lobster-tail — just dreaming about it right now …
Oh! I have not listened to the B-52s “Rock Lobster” song in years (link opens another window, if you want to work on something else)
Something to listen to, while I do that paperwork ….
Now to get busy answering those Lobster questions …
It has been about 10 days since I accepted and passed the ALDS “Ice Bucket Challenge”. My son had a lot of fun dumping a bucket of water on his dear old Dad.
Okay, ten days now, and I still do not get it. The Standings in the American League have tightened, however there is still a whole month to play people! How does dumping ice water on your head affect the ALDS?!?!?! If anything, it would affect somehow, the Wildcard playoffs – not the DIVISIONAL SERIES!!!!
One, of the things that I completely do not understand is why this ice-thing had to be the AMERICAN League Division Series challenge. Look, I’m a National League kind of guy. I like the bunt, the hit-and-run, the taking the extra base. None of this waiting around for a three-run homer stuff. Don’t even get me started with the Designated Hitter rule.
Damn it! The AL won the All-star game this year, so we will only have National League strategy in three games this year.
Maybe next year, there will be a NLDS Ice Bucket, or maybe a HOT BUCKET for the league where they play real baseball with real strategy!
“Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”
Likes: Pop Culture, Humor, Japanese Culture, Iwasa Misaki, Hanako Oku, AKB48 History, Kurosawa films, Kimonos, Anime, Lolita fashion, Buddhist philosophy, and finding the perfect nicknames for my Pokemon.
A fansite; for old and new fans of AKB48 and all their domestic and international sister groups: (SKE48, NMB48, HKT48, NGT48, STU48, JKT48, BNK48, MNL48, AKB48 Team SH, SGO48, AKB48 Team TP, and CGM48)
Denny Sinnoh 
Written
on April 11, 2015