Denny Sinnoh's "Akihabara Starlight"

Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

Pokémon Nicknames: Sunkern and Sunflora

Orville_Redenbacher_1979

Hey Orville: Is the term “old maid” for the un-popped kernels, maybe just a little misogynist?

Pokémon Nicknames: Sunkern and Sunflora: Sunkern (in Japanese: ヒマナッツ  “Himanuts”) is a Grass-type which evolves into Sunflora only when exposed to a Sun Stone. The level does not matter, but it remains a Grass-type only. (There is no known Mega-Evolution yet.)

sunkernandsunflora

The Japanese name “Himanuts” is actually a pretty cute name right there! … especially if you don’t plan to evolve it. Just keeping the “real” name of a Pokémon — but in a different language — may be a fun way to go about naming your Pokémon.The Japanese name for Sunflora is: キマワリ  or “Kimawari”.

From BulbapediaKimawari may be a combination of 黄 ki (yellow) or 吉 ki (joy), and 向日葵 himawari (sunflower). In French — the Pokémon is called Héliatronc, based on Helios. The German name Sonnflora is based on the German word Sonneblume.

sunkern ginka

Careful that you do not get inhaled, my dear kernel!

I always like to teach Grass-types HP stealing moves like Giga Drain. Seed Bomb is also one of my favorite attacks. I think a good name would be “CornHusker” after the Nebraska Cornhuskers college team. I have named them “Nebraska” as well, and I believe this will still fit even after Sunkern’s evolution into a sunflower, as sunflower fields are common in the Great Plains states. Ahem, there is nothing “corny” about this flower:

NebraskaCornHuskers

They raise them right in Lincoln, son.

Names like “Orville” or “Redenbacher” would be appropriate, especially if you like that brand of popping corn. “VeryPoppins” or some derivation, might be used. You can play around with these variations.

corn IMG_0099

My favorite name for Sunkern is Cornholio — a character from the old “Beavis and ButtHead” cartoon series. Of course,  Beavis WAS Cornholio – a transformation he would make after accidentally eating too much sugar.

"Would you like to see my bunghole?"

Quoted: “Would you like to see my bunghole?”

What? … you have never seen the show? What on Earth are they teaching kids in school these days?.

If you appreciate black humor, name a Sunkern “Bad Seed” after the famous novel and movie. (The difficult to watch clip is linked here.)

corn IMG_0097

Another dark-comedy name would be “RapeSeed” after the original name for Canola, commonly used in vegetable oil. Please do not be put off by the term Rapeseed.

An awkward moment at Mr. Name Raters house.

An awkward moment at Mr. Name Raters house.

If I may digress a little here, the term “Canola” was actually invented by the (Denny is not making this up)  “Rapeseed Association of Canada” in the 1970s. The “Can” part stands for Canada and “ola” refers to oil …

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OW!! OW!!! OWW!!! (At the mention of the word “rapeseed” — a large mannish-looking woman ran to Denny’s seat at the coffee shop and knocked him on the head with a copy of the book Our Bodies – Ourselves”.

“You said RAPE …” the mammoth lady bellowed, then let out a blood curtailing scream “RAAAAAPE” —– then wacked Denny again.  

The perverse giant raged: “If you joke about rape – THAT MEANS YOU ARE A RAPIST!” —  WACK!!! (Hits Denny again with the book.) .. IST .. IST … IST  .. (Ringing in Denny’s ear)

“But .. I … “(Denny protests) … WHACK — the demonic behemoth clobbers Denny again … 

“Your culture is RAPE … RAAAAPE!!!” – the obese marginally-female trucker bellowed, “You showed a photo of a girl” — that’s RAAAAAAAAAPE!

“Wait, that’s not the same as …”  (Denny tries defending himself) … WHAP! — The acid-crotched mutant nostrils flared, then kicked Denny with its hoof.

“ALL MEN ARE RAAAAAAAPISTS !!!!” … the hideous banshee howled, hitting Denny again with the rolled up feminist manifesto, knocking him unconscious.

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(Denny from his PokéCenter hospital bed): … if I may finally explain: The word “rape” in rapeseed comes from the Latin word rapum meaning “turnip”. (Denny holds head, rubbing bandages) … Turnip...  Turnip, rutabagas, cabbage, Brussels sprouts are all genetically related to rapeseed. Rapeseed is a close relative of mustard seed, and is an important crop which is processed for its vegetable oil.

Canola_Flower

Who would of thought that this little love flower would cause so much trouble? https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Canola_Flower.jpg#/media/File:Canola_Flower.jpg

The name change became necessary as sensitive American buyers balked at the word “Rape”. Thus we have Canola vegetable oil today.

Thank you for visiting me in the hospital. Oh, you brought me a present … (sound of Denny unwrapping paper). Oh .. my own copy of “Our Bodies / Our Selves” …  Thank You.

obo_cover_not_rolled_up

I do have two true stories about the OBOS book.

One time when I was 13, I was over at a friend’s house, and his older sister had left out a copy of OBOS. I started reading it, much to my friend’s disgust: “That book is for GIRLS” he teased. Yes, I was aware it was for girls, and also that damn good information was contained within. I had a religious upbringing, so of course I knew nothing about human sexuality. Jesus … I mean Buddha … I did not know anything about lady parts back then. Could it be that Penthouse magazine was lying to me about female sexuality? I needed to find out more of the truth.

“I am doing reconnaissance” I told him. I still remember this one chapter called: “In Amerika, they call us Dikes”. Ha. They used a K.

My second story also goes back to 8th grade. There was a big controversy at our Junior High school when one of the girl’s Health Ed teachers taught material from “Our Bodies – Ourselves”.  She told the 8th grade girls that they should – get his — regularly use a mirror in order to look up and examine the insides of their vaginas.

When word of this got out to the parents, they wanted to burn this young teacher at the stake. I remember biking past the school the night of the next PTA meeting. Every damn parking space all over the school and throughout the sports fields were filled with cars, and I saw people pouring in. Any other PTA meeting would have about six people attend, but this time the school rafters were shaking. Parents wanted this teacher FIRED. How dare she teach girls about their own bodies in a course on Sex Education? Of course, looking back, those parents were very ignorant. This was the early 1970s, however. Here in the Midwest we didn’t even know there was such a thing called a “clitoris” until 1971 — two years after the moon landing. These parents thought that sex was dirty, and any teenager who wanted to learn more had to be sinners. Obviously, OBOS was from the Devil.

Look, I am not the expert. I don’t have a clue as to how all those tubes and wires work up there. I DO know that women are the ones in charge of creating life and giving birth. All us guys have to do is just ejaculate, which believe me, is pretty easy. I STRONGLY support any education which encourages young women to stay healthy, and maintain their reproductive facilities. Let’s face it guys, the women have to be the mature ones in human reproductive relationships. Dicks are a dime a dozen.  Happy, healthy and educated young women are the world’s greatest resource.

At 13, I might not have known anything about what goes on up in there, but I would have been willing to learn. (This was light-years before the Internet kids.) Seriously, the hoo-hoo has got to be the world’s most interesting subject. In fact, I am of the opinion that a lady’s hee-hee is where the word “interesting” originates. (I’m running out of alternative terms, for you know).

Meowth disguised as Sunflora

Meowth in disguise as SunFlora: “Denny promises he’s never gunna say ‘pussy’ again”.

Oh .. The teacher? Well, I was just a dumb 13-year old. So what could I do to save the teacher? She got canned. Too bad, she was young, idealistic and was well liked. She was replaced by a girl’s gym teacher that looked like what a girl’s gym teacher looks like. (Denny holds head:) Ow… All that stuff in OBOS is pretty standard in Health Ed today. It would not be radical today, instead it is the norm.

Starlight: It would be another three years before I would get to look up into one of those beautiful love flowers.

LuvFlower”? Hey, that might be a good name for a Sunflora!

sunflower

What is the name of your corn plant or sunflower? Please comment!

 

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My 12-Step Iwasa Misaki Recovery Program

Oh that voice, that face, those kimonos.

I will have to admit — I (HEART) Iwasa Misaki.

Of course — if I like something too much that must mean that there is something wrong with it. Makes sense… maybe. True, my Iwasa Misaki addiction got to be so bad that I had to have an “intervention”. I have enrolled myself into a 12 STEP PROGRAM in order to kick my Iwasa-habit. Yes, it is my big announcement …

DSC_0686

The following is my 12-Step program to sober up to harsh reality.

iwasa misaki tumblr_nlwkz35Xcl1s82ar1o4_500

Oh, I’m going to need two more, dear girl.

Step One: First one has to ADMIT that one HAS a problem. I accept the fact that I have long failed to recognize my Wasamin problem.

misaki diappointed in me

I am a fanboy, and Iwasa Misaki is my oshi. I will finally admit, I had a hard time confessing it to Wasamin. Look at that impatient face.

Step Two: I believe that I must turn to “A HIGHER POWER” and ask for help.

Akimoto Yasushi, blog, Iwasa Misaki

Ok, a higher power … um … Mr. Akimoto?

Step Three: I will turn to our fellow men and women, particularly those who have ALSO STRUGGLED with the same addiction. I would use any help.

yes friends with hands

Yes, our fellow men and women — with the extra hands.

Step Four: I have made a LIST of the situations when I am most likely to listen to Iwasa Misaki. At the computer, while driving, while working, while fantasizing.

someone should write this down

Someone should write these down. Write something Iwasa …

Step Five: I will try to AVOID those situations … or put on a Todd Rundgren record instead. Oh, yay … the 70s … ugh.

keeping my hands busy

Yes, I will try to keep my hands busy. NOT going over to YouTube …

Step Six: I am ready to ACCEPT HELP friends give me. I will not make fun of other’s musical tastes, unless it is rap crap. 

tumblr_nmj8bzo0YW1snbnvmo4_1280

Back to metal I guess. Party on Garth, Party on Wasamin.

Step Seven: Continue to HOPE. I earnestly hope that OTHER MUSIC will help. Oh my Buddha, just no country music recorded after 1974.

mexican dancing misaki

Buenos Tacos, Senorita Misaki — Try some Mexican jumping bean music!

Step Eight: I have made a list of persons I HAVE HARMED and to whom I hope to appologize. (I think my wife is getting very impatient waiting for me out in the car.)

wasamin is angry

I don’t think I’ve ever seen her angry before: “But you look so cute when you get mad … come here you.”

Step Nine: I promise to DO ALL I CAN  to make those amends. Maybe cut my Google image Misaki searches down to maybe a few hours every day.

Iwasa Misaki img_0

It took me less than two hours to use this … er … I mean … find this! 

Step Ten: I will continue to make lists and REVISE them as needed. Oh yeah.

yes make some lists

I’m making notes, and a list … Still trying to read the notes …

Step Eleven: I am in turn willing to HELP OTHERS who may come to me in their hour of need with their own particular idol addiction.

yada yada yada

Selfies? No need to go it alone, Iwasa.

Step Twelve: … er… um …SCREW THIS … What? … No Misaki-san? … NO WAY!  … Forget it!

Iwasa Misaki fa2775ec

Starlight: I am outta here … on another Iwasa bender …

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This is NOT that kind of a blog!

sayaka is as stunned as I am

Sayaka recoiled in horror when I told her that WP users want to see AkiP naked!

I am as shocked and disgusted as you are Yamamoto-san.

I do not like how WordPress has changed the “STATS” page.  I liked the old page much better, as it was more comprehensive and easier to navigate — but that is beside the point right now.

One of the items I like on the WP stats page is the “search terms” list which tells you the words that were being Googled or Binged in order to link to your site. There are more often than not “unknown terms” from these search engines, but a few search terms are still shown.

I was happy that I have had more than 15,000 views on my blog, but I am disgusted that so many perverts* are clicking to my site.  Just this morning, someone had linked to my blog by Googling “jap lolita father imcest”.  Yup. Someone wanted to view images or stories about “imcest” between a father and a Lolita daughter.  Now I love Japanese “Lolita” fashions, but in no way am I ever going to show any “imcest” (whatever that is) here.

I can’t count the times that the search terms that brought users to my site were things like “lesbi kimono” or “yuko oshima naked” “sayaka yamamoto nude” or “hot pix jap lesbi”. Believe me, it gets way worse than that. The words “akb48 lesbian” is probably the most common – which is news to me — as they are certainly not.  Of course, I love AKB48 and their fun outfits, however there is NEVER any nudity or vulgarity in any of the photos or music videos I share. Even for the “gravure” magazine ads, the girls never pose naked (…entirely).

Denny is NOT making this up:  Three days ago was the topper: someone visited my site by using the search terms “Yasushi Akimoto naked”. Oy.

Now, I can understand why the users might want to see the AKB ladies naked … but … um, er … huh huh. Look, I have the utmost respect for AKB’s lyricist/producer/boss – but WHO ON EARTH WANTS TO SEE MR. AKIMOTO NAKED???

Thank you Sayanee, this has all been very troubling for all of us here at Denny Sinnoh’s Akihabara Starlight

You may have to console Milky-chan for awhile  … OH, I see that you already are.

nmb48 cover

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* I know, that IS just like the pot calling the kettle black. 

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My Pop Music History: What ever happened to CHAM ?

CHAM_by_MirrorQueen

Most anime fans are familiar with the late Satoshi Kon’s directorial debut  “Perfect Blue” (trailer linked here).  The all-girl Jpop Idol group “CHAM” were an important part of this compelling, and mind-bending drama. Despite the initial  popularity of CHAM, the group has now been relegated to the “Where are they now?” files of Pop Music History.

I LOVED their big hit single: “Ai no Tenshi”.  The video below captures Mima, Rei and Yukiko at the time just  before they would rocket to stardom. It is a fantastic peak inside the recording studio.  The girls are not wearing their stage outfits here —  but who cares – they look (and sound) AMAZING.

One of the greatest anime film songs ever IMHO.

Here is a brief snippet of how they appeared in the German (translation) version of the film. Sorry for the obscure video reference — original CHAM footage is very hard to find, and valuable these days.

They were an exciting Jpop trio to watch live.  CHAM paved the way for other Idol groups.  Without CHAM’s trailblazing, Jpop girl groups today would probably not be the same!

cham on stage

Classic CHAM moves. They did it first. They did it better!

The ladies also recorded an English language version of “Ai no Tenshi (Angel of Love)”.  The song has been covered and performed in stage concerts by American singers Madonna and Tiffany. (No, Denny is NOT making that up!)

The lyrics translated into English, although seemingly cute and innocent, recap the very creepy story that is “Perfect Blue”

“Angel of Love” translation:

And now you come and see it all just for yourself
See the angel’s wings, but something else is there
And all those magic hearts are all for you again

And then you come and listen to the sweet little voice
Singing there for you and only just for you
She is protecting you right now…

And if sometimes you feel for your love
Send a little heart for her
And she’ll be there with you with her love
Waiting only for you!

And when you love her, love her she will be
A little angel, angel in your heart
You’ve got to push it, push it for her love
And then forever, ever she will be
A sweet angel of your heart to be there together

And now you need a little faith in me and yourself
When you make your way to change the destiny
If you could only see what I could do for you

And even when you feel you have a difficult time
Listen to my heart who sings to make you shine
When you start to fall in love …

Another amazing moment was captured on this YouTube video. After years out of the limelight, CHAM makes a sudden guest appearance at an Anime convention. Here, the cameraman only captures part of their show.  I do not blame him however.  My jaw would have dropped in shock: OMG — IT’S CHAM!!! … grab the camera!!!  Pardon the quality, but can you imagine, being at an Anime Conference in Russia, when CHAM makes a surprise appearance after being gone for so long?

The group had its ups and downs over the years. Mima graduated from the group to purse an acting career.  Although she was critically acclaimed, she never reached the commercial success and popularity of CHAM.

For a few years group member Mima tried to go solo as a singer, and made a number of convention appearances. Yet these never came close to matching the appeal of the three-member unit.  The video is very low quality … still any CHAM footage is valuable. Please forward to time 1:35 to see Mima’s solo.

The group would often appear at conventions, but mainly to sign autographs as they were without a record contract for over a decade.  The ladies appeared in various commercial ads, sometimes as solo models, and sometimes in pairs (Documented in this slideshow below.)

 

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Many years later the group surfaced at this Lisbon, Portugal fundraiser in support of Pancreatic Cancer research. This performance may actually be a little difficult for dedicated fans to watch.  The ladies are older, out of shape, and have a hard time performing their moves. Still, it is an interesting, and final note of CHAM history.

Although CHAM may have now faded into pop music history, they will be remembered as one of the most inspiring pioneers in the Idol genre.

perfectblue06 cham poster

CHAM is gone, however fans keep a Facebook page linked here.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/CHAM/278278312204229

 Enjoy the memories. It took 12 years for the light of “Perfect Blue” and CHAM to reach my world.

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HOT PIX YASUSHI AKIMOTO

HOT PIX YASUSHI AKIMOTO!

Remember: Always say "Good Idea Boss"

Remember ladies: Always say “Good Idea Boss”

AKB48 fans love to look at photobooks and blog photos of their favorite Idols.  “Gravure” photos are popular with fans, and those who might want to dream about their favorite members. I’m not in the market for those photobooks, but it got me thinking: Why is it that “The Boss” – Mr. Yasushi Akimoto has never  had his own photobook?

Maybe Akimoto-san needs to experience what the girls have to go through!  How would he like to have to pose for a gravure photo essay or underwear ads?  How would he feel about being ogled by otaku? What if there were music videos with him dancing half-naked on the beach?  … it would not be popular ..  but maybe he would realize what the girls have to put up with!

Yes, he can write lyrics, and he is a marketing genius, but how would he look in a two-piece?

Well, “Turnabout is fair play!!!”

Ok, Mr Akimoto-san… I’m imagining YOU taking off your shirt … and … and … it is not doing anything for me.

OK, fine.  Here is a short slide show.  If you can’t write funnier captions than me, you must not be trying.

For more about the Boss, see Akimoto-san’s CNN interview I had previously blogged about “Obama Rejects Keystone Pipeline, Yasushi Akimoto Exploits Girls” linked here.

Starlight: It took me six years to discover the Akimoto songs.

What is up with the ALDS Ice-Bucket Challenge?

playoffs12_bal_nyy_alds_483

It has been about 10 days since I accepted and passed the ALDS “Ice Bucket Challenge”. My son had a lot of fun dumping a bucket of water on his dear old Dad.

Okay, ten days now, and I still do not get it. The Standings in the American League have tightened, however there is still a whole month to play people! How does dumping ice water on your head affect the ALDS?!?!?! If anything, it would affect somehow, the Wildcard playoffs – not the DIVISIONAL SERIES!!!!

ALDS Aug 31

One, of the things that I completely do not understand is why this ice-thing had to be the AMERICAN League Division Series challenge. Look, I’m a National League kind of guy. I like the bunt, the hit-and-run, the taking the extra base. None of this waiting around for a three-run homer stuff.   Don’t even get me started with the Designated Hitter rule.

Damn it! The AL won the All-star game this year, so we will only have National League strategy in three games this year.

Maybe next year, there will be a NLDS Ice Bucket, or maybe a HOT BUCKET for the league where they play real baseball with real strategy!

“Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”

Koi Suru Conspiracy Theory

“AKB48 Koi Suru Conspiracy Theory”

AKB48 Music video for “Koi Suru Fortune Cookie”.  This is one the most popular AKB48 songs, released in October 2013, and is another reason WHY I LIKE AKB48.    The song also appears on the new AKB48 album “Tsugi no Ashiato” .   You can watch this music video on this YouTube link.  Make sure to turn on 1080 HD.

=====> Unless that is what the corporation WANTS you to do! … wink, wink.

At first glance, this music video may seem like a happy dance romp about Love and Fortune Cookies. There are many scenes of the AKB48 girls dancing in the street, and interacting with people engaged in everyday Japanese life – day cares, kendo schools, playgrounds, grocery stores, etc. My minions and I however are convinced that this music video masks secret messages pertaining to sinister forces at work, behind the scenes, as well as hiding in plain sight.  Like the famous “Zapruder Film” from 1963, I have analyzed this music video frame-by-frame, in order to uncover a number of truths, missing truths, half-truths, half-lies and various fingers in pies.  You seem skeptical …

Rino Sashihara had just upset Yuko Oshima in the AKB48 voting for 2013.  This is the first music video where Sashi sings center.  Some fans wonder what behind the scenes apparatus had delegated Yuko to 2nd place.  Note that “Akimoto” has seven letters.  “Kennedy” also has seven letters.  President Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin hid in a theater.   Yasushi Akimoto runs a theater where he warehouses AKB48 members.  Coincidence?

The video opens with an American(!) introducing the song.  An American in charge, eh?  Are they saying that Japan is still under the yoke of American hegemony?  Indeed the foreigner’s dialect may be difficult to interpret, but I clearly heard him say:  “Japan ain’t got no money”  … “ain’t got no jobs?”  “bad news…”  … also he says “Japan, go crazy”.  How dare he insult the nation in this way!

Subliminal message moments: 

Apparently the AKB video dance had interrupted a “gay pride” parade.  A display of several “rainbow flags” are notable throughout.  Will Prime Minister Abe take a stance on this issue?   … or will chaotic, but  FABULOUS dancing in the streets force his hand?  The “Seibu Dome” clearly seen in the background has obviously been photo-shopped in — particularly since this video takes place in Tokyo.

Video time 1:36:  There is a tall, pink-haired American transvestite in a parallax view behind Tomomi Itano.  Tomo-chin in fact had graduated – and left the group shortly after this video was released.  Tomo-chin ELIMINATED, with Paruru WAITING IN THE WINGS?  Similar to JFK supplanted by LBJ?  Coincidence?

Time 1:58.  American tourists disrupt the traffic flow in the Tokyo street.  A building in the background is labeled “109”.  John F. Kennedy’s legendary PT Boat was numbered “PT109”  … Coincidence?

Time 2:02Roger Daltrey, (far right) lead singer of British rock band “The Who” is found hiding out in Japanese professional wrestling.  In all of his photos since he “disappeared” several years ago, Daltrey never seems to age.  A youth serum developed by MI-6?  … WHO can say for sure.

Time: 2:32.  AKB48 member, and weather forecaster Yuki Kashiwagi predicts that a center of “Dance Fever” will continue to sweep across  southern Japan.  Global Warming alarmists and Global Warming deniers have both agreed.  Very, very suspicious that this secret treaty (Kyoto to Tokyo) has occurred.

Time 3:17:  American comedian Phyllis Diller, or is it another of Howard Hughes disguises?  Several bottles of Howard Hughes’ urine are observable in the background.  I will not judge.

Time 3:21:  Yuko’s butt.  Or is it?    Look closely …   What are we being led to believe?  … and what does a “Fortune Cookie” resemble … hmmmm …  Skeptics demand to know what happened on her  “grassy knoll” .

Furthermore, the “Fortune Cookie” dance itself may be a complete fabrication !!!

Note that to dance the “Fortune Cookie” dance,  you need to move your arms over-and-back

OVER and back …

… over and BACK

Simply not possible from that angle.

I am being watched …

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You may also watch the “English Subbed” version here on Jpopsuki.  See this link:

http://www.jpopsuki.tv/video/AKB48—Koi-Suru-Fortune-Cookie-%2528eng-subbed%2529/ceb08ba5673eae7802570ae2dc6e752a

 k kashiwagi
k tomochin

 

 

 

k diller

 

 

k oshimak americans

k daltrey

 

k go crazy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This starlight took 22 days to reach my world.

 

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