Denny Sinnoh's "Akihabara Starlight"

Posts tagged ‘Humor’

Denny watches a pretty girl pee.

Readers: This very cool and funky song is merely my suggested music track for you to listen to as you read this post. I mean no disrespect to Mariya. Click and enjoy. Which reminds me …

Whoa. I have not posted on WP for a long time. I am in SO MUCH trouble at work. I need to get caught up on all these agricultural fertilizer reports. Yup, I gave up blogging for a while. I have been  a good employee — keeping my nose to the Moonstone. Look, I am even bringing work home where I can do company work on my own PC!

The work is very boring. and I get distracted so easily by these pop ups. Wait — this looks interesting.  An ad for “KornHub”? Well it must be agricultural then, so I will just click over there and … OH MY GOD!!!

Wait — this is interesting. I don’t usually look at video sites like these (Denny coughs). Besides, there is probably something agricultural in here. Ok … typing “nitrogen” into the search box … and …  Hello.

It says if I click there, I can watch a sexy Asian lady urinate. Oh, no no. I could NOT do that. Really. Not my thing. Look I am not a prude, but I draw the line at bodily functions. I could never watch that. That would be perverted. True, I know that it is only “Number 1” … but still.  I am NOT a pervert. These videos are not for me. I don’t have any fetishes.

Besides, although men’s bodies are disgusting, ladies are perfect. Women’s bodies are beautiful, fragrant works of art.  (Denny momentarily loses touch with reality). Pretty girls don’t PEE! Their little hoo-hoos don’t really make that bad stuff  do they? (Denny in denial) How could this video even exist?

I’m NOT going to watch this!!!

Uh … maybe … unless … maybe YOU want to look, my dear Readers … er .… I mean … this one time would not hurt could it? If you say that it is OK … watching a pretty girl take a pee, I will do it. That does not make me a bad person, right? Right? 

OK then (Denny exhales), here goes. CLICK.

Huh …you know, these urinal-on-the-floor-toilets always seemed weird to me. Japan is otherwise so highly technological – so why is it that some basins look like a hole in the floor? … and OH! … There she is. 

I think she likes me, she looked right at me and smiled. So pretty. Whoa … the panties are down … uh … hoo-boy … well, that answers the “hairy or shaved” question. Mystery solved!.

Wow — she IS vert cute.  Hmmmm … so beautiful in there ... so interesting … she seems like she has good balance. I wonder what led her to film this?

OK, this event should start any minute. (Denny watching, waiting).

It is always entertaining to see up a nice lady’s hoo hoo. There are all these wonderful grooves and folds. Fluids reflecting and refracting.  So Interesting … so very interesting.

Alright … gunna happen soon … (Denny glances at watch).

You know, you can find a lot of meaning, and answers to the big questions in the universe looking in there … I know you will think it strange … but you know what? I think I just saw the answer to a quadratic equation problem that I never finished back in 7th grade math …

… Hmmmm  … still waiting here. It is a nice view and everything, but nothing is happening.

Ha. Penny for your thoughts, dear girl. She is smiling, but she should be thinking about running water. It’s gotta start any second now …

Uh … still waiting. (Denny’s mind wanders) Gee, I wonder how many miles I put on the Volkswagen last week. Darn it — I should go check … I think I am due for an oil change … and OH MY there it goes!!!

So …

Uh huh … OK … right … OK … so … so that is what it looks like. Ahem.

Starlight: I really do need to get back to work.

This is a photo of the famous Kegon Falls in Japan. What?

Good GIF Charlie Brown! These are my favorite members of the AKB48 Family!

Good Grief … I miss the girls. That being said, I still want to share another 16-member “dream team” of my favorite idols. Of course I am going to make lame jokes in the captions. Some of my references are decades old. If you can think of better captions, I look forward to your comments.

Now that Minami Takahasi is about to graduate, there are new additions, and some shake-ups in my lineup. Also, this time, I want to share some moving pictures … Enjoy! .. and please comment — I get lonely fan-boying all by myself.

# Sixteen: Haruka Shimazaki – AKB48

haruka handles the meat giphy

Cooking Challenges? Paruru says that there is NO KIND OF MEAT that she cannot handle!

# Fifteen: Mako Kojima – AKB48

mako loses at mario kart

Ha! Young Kojima-san still cannot beat me in “Mario Kart”.  HA!!! I hit her with a green shell, just as she was about to cross the finish line!

# Fourteen: Kei Jonishi – NMB48

kei tumblr_mndzb8FJt31rarpgro2_250

Denny: Oh, no! … Don’t say that routine AGAIN Kei …

Kei: “Jonshi??? Well, my name is Kei Keicchi Jonishi … you can call me RAY,  you can call me KEI, you can call me KEICCHI, you can call me K-CHI, you can call me J-SHI, you can call me SUNNY, you can call me KJ … but yas doesn’t have to call me Jonshi.”

# Thirteen: Haruka Nakagawa – JKT48

haruka toothbrush run 2006

If you just got up five minutes earlier, Harugon, you would not be late for practice!!!

# Twelve: Miyuki Watanabe – NMB48

milky stockings tumblr_nj8whjt1WT1ti8qgxo1_250

It does not look like it is ANYONE’S secret anymore Milky-chan!

# Eleven: Jurina Matsui – SKE48

jurina matsui is al bundy

Jurina, take it from AL BUNDY: Graduate with a degree. You do not want to wind up selling ladies’ shoes!

# Ten: Yui Yokoyama – AKB48

yuiyokoyama tumblr_nz56yjFc3i1qzoy2oo1_400

The last thing TakaMina saw, the moment before she graduated!

# Nine: Haruna Kojima – AKB48

haruna kojima bouncing

Far be it for me to criticize anyone’s religion KojiHaru … You go ahead and say your nightly prayers the way that you want to.

# Eight: Sayaka Yamamoto – NMB48

sayanee fixing hair

Your hair? … No Sayanee, I do not think anyone noticed that your HAIR was slightly out of place.

# Seven: Minami Minegishi – AKB48

someone told miichan this was a greeting1

No Miichan!!! … Darn it, I am going to SMACK that guy who told Miichan that this was the proper way that American women greet each other at formal U.S. embassy meetings.

# Six: Aika Ota – HKT48

aikaota tumblr_npyytdPofv1ryifqpo1_400

Lovetan — Jim Morrison called, he says NOT to sing it like that if you want to sound “deep”. That is heavy, Love-tan … heavy.

# Five: Mayu Wantanabe – AKB48

mayu finds scientology

… Well Miss Watanabe, as we will be sitting next to each other for more than nine hours on this car drive …  you go right ahead and tell me everything I need to know about Scientology.

# Four: Sakura Miyawaki – HKT48

sakura karate part

What went wrong when Sakura-tan auditioned for “The Karate Kid 5” …

# Three: Haruka Kodama – HKT48

kodama nestles quick

Harrupi looked like she COULD NOT BELIEVE IT — when I showed her how “Nestles’ Quick” works!

# Two: Yuki Kashiwagi – NGT48

yuki kashiwagi traditional tuber dish

NO! … What is WRONG with you people? Don’t you know that ground up tororo root is a traditional Japanese food. NO! I was NOT thinking that … I wouldn’t … I like Yukirin, … oh God, NO … I never …

# One: Iwasa Misaki – AKB48!!! … as if you would have any doubt!

Sorry that I got carried away with that confetti snow Wasamin!

Starlight: Four decades of Pop Cultural references!

 

 

Gallery

Think Baseball ! … Baseball !! … Baseball !!!

For Readers 18 years and over only. Denny uses “maritime language” here. No kids allowed, and no Judgmental Ninnies.

Welcome. There’s nothing like having a beer and a dog … and another beer … when you watch the game, right? Tell the bartender to turn up the game, and I’ll get us another round!

viagraadlady

Baseball season is upon us once again! Remember last fall during the MLB playoffs and World Series? Remember these ads for “Viagra” featured this sexy lady? I guess it makes sense to have the Viagra ads during televised sports. Many men — and a smaller percentage of women — are watching. If you wanted to get a message out to “the guys”, the playoffs were a good time to sow interest. A lot was said about these ads when they aired during the Division Series last fall, I won’t repeat that now, short to say that many people found the discussion of … ahem … E.D. a little too discomforting during the tension packed playoffs.  More on that later …

I do think that sexuality and baseball are most definitely are causally* linked. Lemmie tell ya a story …

One day when I was in the 6th grade, the teachers took all the girls to one room, and all the boys were left in another classroom. We were to receive information on sex education you see. We were to be given an open, honest and frank conversation about sex, boys and girls bodies, and the changes some of us were going through.  Ha! Of course they never did that, and they danced around the issues so much that we were all more confused than before they “educated” us.

I can remember that in 6th grade I finally noticed girls.  In 5th grade I still thought liked a kid … liked toys … liked MAD magazine … girls were the ENEMY back then. By 6th grade there were girls that I liked. Oh, man but this was in the stone age with no Internet. I really wanted to see what one looked like. You know … what a girl is like DOWN THERE.  I had not a clue. Some of my friends said that they had seen one. Others said that they were going to bring in a dirty magazine that shows the good stuff. I had my hopes up for a while, but they never brought in the dirty book.  Dammit! I wanted to see one!!! What does a hoo hoo look like?  Was I so wrong for wondering this?

Oh, yeah, the “Sex Ed” class.  I was very disappointed by the filmstrip. In between the slide sequences and the beeps and the bad narration we saw some images of bees, fish, dogs, flowers, etc. Not a girl’s hoo hoo was to be seen however. Everyone knows that the special place is full of mysteries even if you have a map … and there I was with all my unanswered questions. I just had to keep guessing. Some of the 6th grade girls wore pretty tight blue jeans, and sometimes the morning sun would make an eclipse through a dress. If you have the right angle on a pair of culottes you can get close. I would have done anything to see a real one … oh, and especially … Laura’s … Oh, Laura … um … er … I digress …

At one point. one of the gym teachers drew a chalkboard diagram of a dick and balls, but you would never know if they hadn’t told us. They also told us that we may begin to experience what they called a “wet dream”.  Too late, Mr. Gym teacher, I was already there. I could not stop thinking about Laura … and Linda … and oh yeah, Teri … and Patty, who was already growing big by that time … sorry … um…  Baseball, right?

Anyway, during the filmstrip the narrator said that if we ever were lying in bed at night … and our thoughts turned to girls (Oh, Laura) … we should DISTRACT OURSELVES IN SOME WAY, and think about something else. The narrator said “think about the big baseball game…”.  The narration echoed: “think baseball …baseball …” as if they were trying to hypnotize us into never touching … well … you know.

You see, the geniuses in Sex Ed at that time were afraid that boys going through puberty might try to masturbate, which was to be avoided at all costs, for some reason. Thus, it was drilled into me: “THINK BASEBALL, BASEBALL, BASEBALL!” Getting a boner? … THINK BASEBALL!!!

One time I was watching a stand-up comedy bit by the late Robin Williams. He was doing this manic collage of different characters and free-associating like he often did. At one point he stopped a sexual joke comment and said “Think Baseball … Baseball”.  Mr. Williams MUST have seen the same filmstrip as I did. We were of the same approximate generation and are both from the same region of the country. He HAD to have seen that standard filmstrip, because he voiced it with the same bland inflection the narrator in the Sex Ed film did.

True story:  Eddie Snyder (yes, his real name, but let him sue me) raised his hand and shyly asked the teacher: “How long does a wet dream last?”  He asked the question as if he was afraid. Poor little guy did not want it to happen to him because he thought that it was going to HURT.  Poor kid. I had to laugh to myself though. I knew all about it. In fact, I was an expert already (oh, Laura … Laura).

One time when my team was at a baseball practice, one of the other kids brought a “dirty” paperback book into the dugout. There were no pictures, other than the cover, which was risqué but had no nudity. It was all text, but my buddy had underlined a lot of the swear words and the “good parts” – if you know what I mean. Of course this book was lost on me because I still did not know exactly what the female anatomy looked like.  Passages such as “He shoved his cock into her cunt” had no meaning — as “cunt” was terra incognita to me, and still only a theoretical concept.

I know what you are thinking: “Denny, is this how you became an expert on Baseball?”

Well, I will admit, baseball is a great sport, especially for those of us too small for football. I could play any position. I learned all of the fielding positions. I could even play catcher, which most of my friends could not play. “How can you catch the ball, when someone is swinging the bat in front of you”, they would ask. “Just put your glove where you expect it will go” I replied. I loved playing First Base, even though I did not have the build for it. A Firstbaseman should be a tall, lanky left-hander. I was a short, squat right-hander. First base is great because you are in on so many plays. Especially if Laura is watching …

ball hit to right field who covers

Off topic: You know, a first basemen’s mitt does look a little bit like a wide-open vagina. I’m just glad I never made the connection back then.

I saw plenty of crusty mitts back in 6th grade.

I saw plenty of crusty mitts back in 6th grade.

I also learned to switch hit. I am a natural right-hander. I bat for average, line drives, rocket ground balls, etc when batting right. When I bat left, I have an upper-cut swing, hit more fly balls, hit less for average, but hit better for power.

pinup beauties baseball

… Maybe if I was a good baseball player, Laura would be impressed?

Oh, yeah, back to that Viagra ad …

Thing one: It is an embarrassing thing to have on TV, if there are any other humans present.  I know it is an important subject … but don’t they know my wife is in the room?  It was INTIMIDATING!

OK, I am at the age, I know I am the target market for the drug, which is unfortunately not covered by insurance. My body and hormones are on a roller coaster ride however.

I am not like I was when I was 19 years old and thought about pussy 99.9% of the time. At my age now, I have my “Percent-of-the-time-I-think-about-pussy-ratio” WELL UNDER 90% now, thank you. Every once in a while I am even able to think about complicated subjects for a prolonged period of time. Serious topics. 

When I am at the bottom of the roller-coaster, I am in a fragile state.  When I watch that intimidating ad, with the sexy but disappointed lady, I think: “Oh, can’t we just talk … can’t we just cuddle … um … don’t I show you that I care in other ways? … let’s change the subject”.  Dammit, I am like a frightened little turtle.

viagra lady closeup gulp

Me: “This has never happened to be before …”/ Her: “Don’t worry about it. But thanks a lot for the finger-fuck, Superman.”

Other days, my hormones are raging, and I am a one-man diamond cutting machine. When I am at the top of the roller-coaster hill, I look at that Viagra ad, and think: “Oh, you want to see some FUCKING now do ya lady? Oh, I’ll show you some FUCKING …, I’m going to show you some FUCKING that is going to wipe that smirk off your face.” Oh, yeah … I think,  I’m going to explode in her so hard, it would make those blue, wanting eyes bulge out!!! **

… what? … too much swagger?

viagra lady closeup gulp

When I am at my best, you have to visualize these sound effects: 1. The sound of a zipper being unzipped. 2. The sound of kielbasa sausage hitting the floor. That’s ME alright!

I hope all my readers will enjoy this young baseball season.

Starlight: I wonder what ever happened to Laura?***

Laura looked like Susan Dey

 

Image

Anthony Burgess reviews my new Watarirouka Hashiritai Farewell Concert DVD

“What’s it going to be then, eh?”

“This must be a real horrorshow film if you're so keen on my viddying it."

“This must be a real horrorshow film if you’re so keen on my viddying it.”

What are you spinning your warbles to these days droogies?  Johnny Zhivago? Heaven Seventeen? Well come with UNCLE! … Come and hear all PROPER!

My droog Denny lent me Watarirouka Hashiritai final concert DVD.  Oh, my brothers, it was gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh. I viddied that American thinking is for the gloopy ones and that the oomny ones use like inspiration and what Bog sends. For now it was lovely Watarirouka Hashiritai music that came to my aid.  Oh, it was wonder of wonders.

“It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you watch them on a screen.”

“It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you watch them on a screen.”

Haruka Nagagawa crunched redgold under my bed, and behind my gulliver the sounds of Ayaka Kikuchi, Aika Oota and Mika Komori trumpeed three-wise silverflamed, and there by the door Kazumi Urano rolling through my guts and out again crunched like candy thunder.

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Glazzies on Haruka only here: Viddy well brother … VIDDY WELL!

Mika Komori bored deep, like worms of like platinum, into the thick thick toffee gold and silver. I was in such bliss, my brothers.And then, a bird of like rarest spun heavenmetal, or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now, came the Mayu Wananabe solo above all the other watarirouka strings, and those strings were like a cage of silk round my bed.

Mayus lips were like red, red kroovy ...

The lips of Mayu were like red, red kroovy …

Then, brothers, it came. Oh, bliss, bliss and heaven.  Like a GREAT BIRD – the solo by  Iwasa Misaki.

Oh, Bog in heaven what pretty pictures I dreamed

O, Bog in heaven what pretty pictures I imagined

I lay all nagoy to the ceiling, my gulliver on my rookers on the pillow, glazzies closed, rot open in bliss, slooshying the sluice of lovely sounds. Oh, it made me dream such pretty pictures, my brothers.

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IT’S A SIN! The Watarirouka Hashiritai 7 to be disbanded? IT’S A SIN!!!!!!

But where I itty now, O my brothers, is all on my oddy knocky, where you cannot go. Tomorrow is all like sweet flowers and the turning vonny earth and the stars and the old Luna up there. … and all that cal.

Something organic that Bog tugs away free will?  Real horrorshow.

Cured?  I was cured alright.

Pokémon Nicknames: Bunnelby

bunnleby biden

Good thing that you can now use twelve letters in the Kalos Region!

Bunnelby (Japanese:  ホルビー “Horubee”) is a NORMAL-type Pokémon.  It “evolves” into Diggersby starting at level 20.  Bunnelby always looks perplexed, always has the look like he is in way over his head.  He is talking, but is completely clueless.

When I saw the American vice-president – I knew – THAT’S MY BUNNELBY!  

http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/joebiden/a/bidenisms.htm

I gave a male Bunnelby the long name DumbJoeBiden after America’s gaff-prone vice president.DumbJoeBiden_by_Pokemon-X-and-Y

I would not want to burden you Otaku in the Akihabara who spend your time reading much more interesting material — so I will have to make the following disclaimers:

1. American vice-presidents, from Republicrat Dan Quyale to Democrican Al Gore have been much maligned in that country’s media.  Often the vice-president is made the butt of jokes made by America’s late-night talk show hosts – who themselves are some pretty big butts.  The name “Gaff” might also be appropriate for any Bunnelby – or any vice-president.

2. I do not talk politics or take political sides here on Denny Sinnoh’s Akihabara Starlight.  Kalos is filled with too much beauty to worry about American politicians.

i_can_t_stand_the_world_becoming_uglier

Darn it, now I sound like “Lysandre” …

That being said, the American vice-president has been in that country’s news several times in recent days.  Apparently he has insulted America’s NATO ally Turkey, as well as the United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia — questioning that those countries were aiding the ISIS army.  He also called a group of his Jewish supporters “shylocks” (a derogatory term).  He inadvertently insulted victims of a Missouri tornado outbreak, then the student government at Harvard University.  … and that is all in just the last two weeks!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/wp/2014/10/06/why-this-joe-biden-gaffe-matters-more/

(Sorry for the politics, dear friends, you may have to wash your mind out with a little Puella Magi Madoka Magica now.)

If you ARE political, you can just name your befuddled Bunnelby a name for your opposing political human (Ex. “DumbHillary”, etc).  Again, these things are distasteful to me.  Bring on the Yuri manga instead.

bunny tea party

What? Political? This is my idea of a “Tea Party”.

I actually liked having DumbJoeBiden on my team.  I taught it some moves I do not usually use. He is one of the few Pokémon that I do not care about if it faints. I usually never let that happened to any other of my Pokémon.

In fact, I’m not sure if DumbJoeBiden really knows if he has fainted or not.

He sure likes his Poképuffs though.

bunny costume 2

Come here, Bunnelby, give your trainer a big hug … before I send you out on the Wonder Trade.

Pokémon Nicknames: Bonsly and Sudowoodo

woodyallen

The “Wood Man” seen here with his daughter/wife Soon-Yi.

Despite its appearance, Sudowoodo is a Rock type Pokemon.  Sudowoodo combines the words “pseudo” meaning “false” and “wood”.  Thus, the Pokemon is based on petrified wood trees which have become fossilized over time.

I named a male Sudowoodo after “WoodyAllen”.  The filmmaker was a comic genius — but he is also very immoral.  I do not find the rock-hard Pokemon to be as disturbing as Mr. Allen however —  I nicknamed it thinking of Woody’s “earlier, funnier films”.  

sudowoodo female

“Rock type? Well let me explain to you how my wood gets hard.”

I also named a female Sudowoodo “Twiggy” after the famous 1960s fashion model of the same name.

twiggy

I think that “Twiggy” would also be a good name for Sudowoodo’s pre-evolved form: Bonsly the “bonsai” Pokemon. As Brock can demonstrate,  Sudowoodo is called Usokkie ウソッキー , and Bonsly is called Usohachi ウソハチ in the Japanese game.

Bonsly

Oh goody, Here’s Woody!

You know what would be a HOOT?  Nickname a Bonsly “Soon-Yi” then put it in your team with your “WoodyAllen” Sudowoodo.  Ha Ha.  No.

That man is immoral.

woody and basketball

Mr. Allen with the future Mrs. Allen at NY Knicks game.

.wood-img_0272

Roasting Yuko Oshima’s Butt

Tonight Dean roasts AKB graduate Yuko Oshima!

Tonight Dean roasts AKB graduate Yuko Oshima!

WELCOME TO DEAN MARTIN’S ROASTING OF YUKO OSHIMA’S BUTT Dean Martin Good evening Good evening everyone.  We are delighted this evening to congratulate and humiliate our favorite AKB48 girl on her recent graduation.  What can you say about a problem like Yuko?  She’s a goddess.  We wish her all the best in her career in television, movies and underwear advertising.  Tonight, my friends and I from the 1970s and 1980s will present some of our favorite Yuko moments.  She is a goddess …  er … I said that already.  Well, she’s also just “the girl next door”… and the reason I bought a telescope.  I can hardly believe that I walk the same island with someone so talented, so funny, and so beautiful.  Look out men, Yuko is now an AKB GRADUATE!  Ladies and Gentlemen, please click on any thumbnail below to begin the slideshow of some of our favorite Yukos.

See more Yuko captions on my Pinterest board!

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