Pink Lady, I owe you an apology.

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“I would rather eat worms than ride a Jap bike”

OK, how about this for idea for an American TV series: An all-girl Jpop group comes to America and teams up with a dorky American comedy guy.  Sounds too good (for Denny) to be true?

In fact there WAS a 1980 television show close to the Denny dream,  No, I’m NOT making this up. Despite the brain cells I killed in my late 70s and early 80s “punk rocker” days, I can still recall the NBC show “Pink Lady and Jeff”.

The NBC show is regarded by most TV historians and critics as “one of the worst television shows ever”. There was a time in the late 70s/early 80s when NBC produced a number of shows now regarded as “worst ever”.  Not the type that were “so bad that they are good” – just shows that were BAD. Remember “Sherriff Lobo?!?”, “BJ and the Bear”!!?? … “Manimal”???!!!

Unfortunately, Pink Lady’s variety show is on that list. Six programs were produced, but only five aired, as it was hated so much. It did not play in Peoria. Looking back, it did NOT deserve the hatred that was set loose on it.  Full disclosure: I also thought it was pretty stupid. It was full of actors and musical acts I could not care for.  I want to make an apology to you Pink Lady, for my involvement and anything I said.

The following is from the Pink Lady and Jeff Wikipedia article:

“The series starred Japanese female singing duo Pink Lady — Mitsuyo Nemoto, (“Mie”) and Keiko Masuda  (“Kei”), and American comedian Jeff Altman (who oddly was also on “The Dukes of Hazard” show over on CBS in the same time slot – DS). The format of the show consisted of musical numbers alternating with sketch comedy. The running gag of the series was the girls’ lack of understanding of American culture and the English language; in reality, Pink Lady did not speak English. (It is cringe-inducing to watch the dialog — DS) Jeff would then attempt to translate and explain the meaning of things, which led to more confusion.”

I do love a good fish-out-of-water story. Oh, man so much potential, and actually the ladies are pretty good.  The group was very popular in Japan (here is one of their songs “SOS” linked here), but unheard of in America. Heard that before?  VideoPirates on YouTube has produced a clip show here.  It is jaw-dropping amazing. Forget the train wreck … this is worse … you can’t look away …

See … “UN-FREAKING BELIEVABLE LOIS!!!”  Pop Culture enthusiasts: WATCH THIS!!! It is a great cross-section through the wasteland that was American popular culture.  Looking back, some acts I do like.  There was a nice moment where Pink Lady met the great Roy Orbison.

The producers Marty Krofft and Fred Silverman recall a story during production:  When the girls arrived in Los Angeles they wanted to go to Disneyland.  Of course no Americans knew who the Japanese star duo were, but there are many Japanese tourists at Disneyland, so the girls were mobbed for autographs.

They were so beautiful … and I was so dumb …

It is really too bad .. and unfair that the show was over-criticized by the American audience.  (Consider the crap we watched on our three channels at that time.)  Watch these clips.  Comedian Jerry Lewis is there, and he even performs his usual “HEY LADY” schtick.  Looking back, some of the jokes were really, really bad.  Many would be considered “politically incorrect” as well today. Some of the guest stars were has-beens, or “never-weres”.  Some like Roy Orbison and Alice Cooper would revive their careers later in the 1980s.  I have to admit it — their duet with Donny Osmond does sound pretty good. I hated seeing Playboy Hugh Hefner interacting with the girls however. (Cut to Denny imitating Homer Simpson — shaking a threatening fist ”Get away from them you old perv.”). However, all through that Mie anf Kei are GREAT!  Their sweet personalities shine through the goofy sketches. They are super pretty, look great in the bikinis, and I love their musical performances.  Well, now .. not back then … Sheena was a punk rocker.

“I would rather eat worms than ride a Jap bike”  my leather-clad biker companions would say. In fact I would see that on T-shirts. There was a significant amount of anti-Japanese sentiment and misunderstanding in the industrial cities of America in the 1970s and 1980s.

I grew up in a corrupt American steel-making city. The mill-hicks would always go ape-shit over imported steel product.

Myself, I did not ride a Harley.  I rode a “rice grinder” — a Yamaha 250 dirt bike. (FYI: This is a completely different type of motorsport than the Harley crowd). My dad was a steelworker, and cussed me out for the Japan import.  Assholes would ask me: “Why do you ride a JAP bike?” “Are you broke? .. eat your import”

Why the Japan-bashing? Well, they were beating our pants off, and we union-bleeding creeps wanted our government to “protect” us.  Meaning: “Slap a $1,000 tax on all Japanese auto imports.” I remember this statement getting a cheering ovation at my graduation. We made cars. Japan made better cars for a cheaper price. But isn’t that what America is all about? Man, I have seen factory workers smoke pot and snort THC right on the job. If you have ever seen the Michael Keaton movie “Gung Ho” – you will see how the comedy film captures the anti-Japanese feeling at the time. So many of the World War II veterans also had jobs in the mills, and you should know how they felt about Japan.

Things were different in California. Everyone drove imports there.  I think if the Pink Lady producers knew what type of resentment there was in the US Northeast, they may not have backed the show. That is beside the point of it being a goofy idea.

Pink Lady and Jeff – unfortunately — was doomed from the start.  OK, it was a goofy show, but so were all the others. Pink Lady — I apologize for the bad Hollywood television writers. I apologize for the bad taste of the American public. We just were not ready. Pink Lady (and even you Jeff) … I apologize for not seeing your beauty and talent back then.  I would love to see a reunion concert or show in America.

It would be great if the media geniuses in Hollywood would take advantage of the otaku market in America and create a Japanese variety show for the US audience.

I sure know where you can find the dumb American co-host … I will wait for the call.

Starlight: It took 24 years for me to see the beauty of Pink Lady.

MY MINAMI MINEGISHI TV PILOT PITCH

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I got to thinking since my last post about Miichan’s birthday. I like to fantasize while driving, so I composed a proposal/pitch to the FOX Network for my Minami Minegishi sitcom idea.

America loves a good “fish-out-of-water” story!

Miichan will play a Japanese college student who comes to America to study English at a major American University.

The show will be tentatively called “Learning Engrish” — or maybe something like “Please Speak Engrish!”. The network execs would probably want it to take place in California, but I think that there would be a bigger cultural contrast if the series took place in the American Midwest. (St. “Rouis” or somewhere like that). Besides, California already has a substantial Asian/Japanese population, so that would not be enough contrast.

Miichan’s TV character will also be called “Miichan”.  It is a great name, that sounds great when it will be yelled by the characters … MIIIIIIII – CHAN!!!!  Her last name will be different, and it has to be something that would sound funny to the American ear – something like “Fukyumama” could be the basis of a running  joke.

She will be an exchange student living with her Japanese-America aunt who is married to a (white, maybe Jewish) American.  I’m thinking someone like Billy Crystal as the uncle-in-law.

Every week, Miichan will innocently get into some type of trouble, due to a language or otherwise cultural misunderstanding.  This is where I will have to do some creative writing, but bear with me. Also, Miichan is a little troublemaker, and she has a sarcastic wit.  It would be great if Miichan could make fun of goofy aspects of American culture.  She would innocently point out how ILLOGICAL much of American culture is.  She could deconstruct various American “sacred cows” and tell us exactly how our Emperor is not wearing any clothes. (Ex. Why are US game shows so boring?)

Hilarious differences between traditional Japanese foods vs American cuisine could be jokes: “What are you eating Miichan?”  “Octopus tentacles … want some … I like how the little suction cups hold a little bit of the mollusk juice when you bite into them.”  Between the show’s segments and commercials there can be a real “Engrish” sign or image the audience can laugh at. Examples can be seen at this Engrish website linked here.  It must be kept in mind that such images are not making fun or East Asian language speakers, it is just that these things are often unintentionally hilarious.

In fact, one of the goals of the show would be to DISPEL MYTHS AND ASIAN STEREOTYPES!

The audience could also learn a little more about anime-manga-Idol culture from Japan as well, as Miichan would share her interests with her friends.  She might even have some fan service possiblities with her new American gal pals.  Again, completely innocent. There has not been an American show that features Japanese okatu culture yet, despite the growing popularity (Are you listening Hollywood?  I thought not. Originality is in short supply on American TV).

It would be great if the old Japanese grandmother character would have a catch-phrase running joke line. For example, whenever anything odd or bad would happen, the camera could zoom into the grandmother and she would mutter: “Damn Roosevelt…”. The joke being that anything bad have originated with the American president who ordered Japanese American citizens into internment camps.

Also, one of Miichan’s American wacky friends would clearly be a lesbian. Everyone knows it. Her family, the audience, the postman, etc. Everyone EXCEPT Miichan of course, who allows herself to get caught in racy situations with the American dyke. Her friend could give her backrubs, and just at the moment we think something will happen, Miichan is distracted in some hilarious way.  (Again, the writers will have to make the jokes.)

About FAN SERVICE: I know it might be a little derivative, but I think the uncle (Billy Crystal) could often catch a glimpse of the scantily-clad Minegishi-san.  Remember how in the old “King of the Hill” episodes, Hank Hill would walk in on Luanne in an undressed-sexy pose, and she would say “Hi Uncle Hank” much to Hanks consternation?

I’m thinking that in one episode, Miichan needs cash, and agrees to be a “nude model” at the University Art classroom.  Uncle Bill could find out about it,rush to the art department, only to see Miichan already on the pedestal. “Hi Uncle Billy-san”.  Then the uncle would look at the drawings made by the the (male) students, and they would all be just stick figures and the like.  They were just drawing her so they could look at her naked – get it?

Of course there would have to be a wacky neighbor.  Remember this is American television.

I’m thinking that each episode would end with Billy Crystal and Miichan sitting on a bench at a park or a mall.  They would be making fun of people as they walk by.  A lot of this would be ad-libbed.

So what do you think?  Would it be a good show?  Please comment and help me flesh out this pilot!

PS: Comedy is hard.  Failing that, maybe Miichan would be good in one of those crime CSI detective snoop shows!

I love Miichan! HORRYWOOD HERE WE COME!!!